I know I’m strong, but sometimes I give in to weakness. I know I’m positive, but sometimes I give in to negativity. I know I have a pretty smile, but sometimes I feel like frowning. I know I have a light about me, but sometimes I just wanna fall into darkness.

These days, I’m not myself. I put on a fake smile. I pretend to be ok, and composed. But really, all I feel like doing is crying. I don’t want to be around people, but I force myself to hang out with my friends because I know if I don’t it’ll just make me feel more alone. I’m basically going through two break ups at once, because I never got over my other ex before I started going out with my next one and it sucks so bad. I feel so unwanted. I feel so betrayed. I just don’t understand how you can give so much and get nothing in return… or give so much and get a knife in your back… or try so hard and have so many people turn against you? All I ever do is try, try to be liked, loved, try to fit in… try to be respectful, try to prove people wrong about me. It’s all backfired! I just don’t know why. Why do I have such bad luck? All I’ve ever done is treated people rightfully and respectfully, as much as a person can. It really is true that the nice guy finishes last. Why? Why do I get used, abused, and taken advantage of? All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved. And all I’ve ever gotten was the opposite. It’s not fair. I know, I know the world isn’t fair. Fairness and equality does not exist. I try not to sit around and feel sorry for myself, but I just don’t understand how someone can give and give so much of themselves, just trying to get some love in return, and get nothing but betrayal. I’m not saying all of this because I want someone. That’s something I don’t want or need right now. It just hurts. To know that there’s probably no one out there that will ever not hurt me. To know that there’s no one out there that can be trusted. To know that I’ll have all of this love to give inside and no one to give it to. Because I cannot trust, and I don’t think I ever will again.

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